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More Previous Poetry
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Posted by
on Sunday, August 27 @ 21:26:58 UTC
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: My Honesty To Myself
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on Sunday, August 27 @ 21:26:58 UTC
dreameyes writes:: " i never meant it when i said i hate you today
but it just had to stop
because u don't seem to understand
when u hurt, i hurt
it's true what u said we have a bond
but if u truely knew that
then u would have known that u we're not only hurting yourself and that man
but you were killing your daughters spirit mamma
sometimes i question your love for me
because you won't change because of the changes
the days that go by, making life more difficult for u
i never meant to say i hate u
bt that was the only way to make you listen
i can be easily manipulated
i'm tired of being sheltered and so naive
but you hurt me mamma
you hurt me...
i wish it were just you me and ciara
living peacefully together again
u fussing about chores
me working hard in school
lil' sis ciara making principles list
i feel terrible that i tried to kill myself
what a cop out
how selfish of me not to think of u
and not to know how much u love me
and my family
i'm so sorry
for being withdrawn
i never meant to be so cold
i swear if my last words to u were
"i hate u"
i would have know other reason to live
father is already dead
and i was in pain
from my selfishness
as a teen
from being spoiled rotten
there is no other way to put it
i felt like if u were going to get a divorce
u were not about to damage me
so i took advantage of the situation
i wanted to punish u both
but ended up punishing myself
no i am broken inside and out
but my mother won't let me die
she constantly pulls me up
she won't allow me to die
she won't allow me to kill myself
my saving grace
God has blessed me with a loving family
and i only pray that it stays that way
and that i have not wounded her with my words of hate
for i feel i have wounded myself even more
but it just built up
because i wouldn't speak
i choose to be isolated
now i reap the rotten production of my poisoned seeds
i pray to God that i haven't hurt her as much as i am hurting
i love you mamma
i always will
but i just felt so disappointed because u just keep making the same mistakes
over and over, time after time
man after man
lie after unintentional lie
i know u love us mamma
and we love u too
but have to get it together
we can help eachother out
but it all starts with ourselves
never again shall i make your mistakes
nor will i let u make anymore mistakes without warning u
i just wish u would listen to us, that's all
u hurt us so much mamma
your words are like poisonous daggers
that leave terrible heart wounds that spread with age and time
that's why i acted like today
to let u see how it feels
to be deteriorating from the inside out
u hated it
but i loved it u finally say your reflection
your worst fears were in me
u don't want me to fail
u know what u do is wrong now more than ever
i could never hate u
but i hate the things u do
actions speak louder than words
all u have are words
all i ever had were actions, althoough silent
all u had to do was listen for them
listen with your heart
and you would've heard it faintly beating against my chest
wondering why u didn't care
when u did
but i didn't speak i only acted
and u spoke but never reacted
a double edged sword from Hell
but we'll make it through
we're strong, proud, honest, loving
we will take control of our lives
today was a new day for me
u pushed me and i pushed u
i am excepting myself as a young lady now
i feel like i have grown from this experience
but like i said before
i hope i haven't hut you
as much as you have hurt me
i love you mamma
love always,
your daughter
"
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