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More Previous Poetry
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Posted by
on Saturday, May 17 @ 12:43:15 UTC
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I Miss You
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on Saturday, May 17 @ 12:43:15 UTC
SparklingFlurry writes:: " I wished you would stay,
But pushed you away
Because it brought pain
To keep things the same.
But how I've missed you
Wanting to kiss you.
Life's pain makes me cry,
And I'm not sure why
Knowing you're not here
Is bringing more tears
Because you're not there
To show me you care.
And the hardest part
Is although your heart
Is no longer near,
You're still here. "
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Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Tuesday, June 24 @ 03:16:25 UTC | | the poem is extremely honest,but too much attention has been paid to rhyming.a sweet poem tho. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, August 18 @ 11:20:29 UTC | | way too much rhym |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, September 28 @ 00:21:56 UTC | | It's rhymes more than necessary. It comes across as being very contrived. Both are distracting distracting from the actual language meaning and emotion of the piece. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, October 13 @ 21:54:10 UTC | | un-nessecary rhyming, but very impressive emotions, when you will get used to poetry you will find out what i said is true...keep writing not bad |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Tot on Friday, December 05 @ 16:14:34 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | This is great. It seems so familiar b/c this is also the way i write. I can relate so much to this poem. Good job! |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Myzangie (MYZANGIE1626@YAHOO.COM) on Friday, December 12 @ 21:36:00 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | Dont listen to the others it's nice
and poetry is poetry whether it rhymes a lot or
not...
its real good
i like this poem...
myzangie |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Myzangie (MYZANGIE1626@YAHOO.COM) on Friday, December 12 @ 21:36:16 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | Dont listen to the others it's nice
and poetry is poetry whether it rhymes a lot or
not...
its real good
i like this poem...
myzangie |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Honey on Thursday, December 25 @ 13:21:56 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I think you paid too much attention to the rhyme, it's ok if it does, but it seems like you put too much thought into it, I believe that poetry should come from the heart. All the rhyming takes away from the obvious underlying emotion. I like it though. |
Nice (Score: 1)
by Ravenloft (devinouis@hotmail.com) on Saturday, January 10 @ 22:23:11 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Personally, I think it flows well, regardless of too much rhyme. I'm not a known poet, so I really don't have the right to say that you should or shouldn't do something so much, it's good to me. It displays your emotions, and in my opinion, that's all it should do. |
- Re: Nice by Anonymous on Monday, January 17 @ 16:28:22 UTC
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, January 19 @ 13:32:13 UTC | | For me this poem is really good, a stream of words is a good thing it shows the feelings inside you really well. And if it rhymes so be it, i think its great. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Tuesday, January 27 @ 14:07:58 UTC | | too simple and too common not original.--alright |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by arimaspi on Friday, January 30 @ 09:56:33 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) http://none | | you are trying to hard. Good subject matter, but there is such a thing as too much rhyme. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Rosemarry on Thursday, February 19 @ 18:04:38 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | don't listen to those fools about rhyming! though I'm not a fan of the rhyme scheme aabbcc, I almost didn't notice it in this one! It's a great poem |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, February 23 @ 20:21:40 UTC | | Great poem deep and loving. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Kimi on Friday, February 27 @ 19:02:44 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.lordofme.4t.com | | ok this is v. scary, this is almost identical to someting i wrote years ago...! Although it was intended as lyrics for a song and not simply a poem. Freaky though!!! |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by BabyJ on Thursday, March 11 @ 14:49:32 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | Well i really enjoyed this poem. I dont think that it ryhmes too much. I dont think there is such a thing of ryhming too much to be honest with you. Keep writing.
-BabyJ |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Codgin on Wednesday, March 24 @ 18:29:59 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) http://codgin.cjb.net | | The structure and the pace is good, although not perfect. It is short and in some cases, as this one, short is usulay sweet and straight to the point. It does rhyme alot and to say that is a bad thing is a decison only the reader can decide upon. It has meaning and the title suits the poem perfectly. It was ok |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by Damaris on Saturday, April 17 @ 14:04:27 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | This poem is really deep. you seem to show that you care alot for this person. I know how that feels because I have been trough the same thing and I also write poems to express it! I love the poem keep doing what your doing :) keep your head up ~!!!! :)
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Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by perv on Tuesday, July 13 @ 15:26:48 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) http://thepowerofomnipotence.com | | the fact that most people have read this one makes me want to remove my serious, accomplished poetry from the site. This is utter adolescent, garbage! It is like a spotty, 13 yr old soft rock fan has written it in between the twelfth and thirteenth wanks about the anaemic bint that broke his weak heart. Utterly pathetic, come on you yanks can surely do better. Lets have some real development of ideas?, some metaphor?, perhaps even an effective simile?, some intertextuality? at the moment you are alot more metallica than molliere, more severly deflated dollars than Pound.(this is a reference to a great european poet!) |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, August 02 @ 21:01:27 UTC | | it's deep, yet suttle. true,but painful . you have all ypur emotions about love in one short but simple poem. one day i hope to be a good writer like you. by the way my name is shaniquia and im 16.if you wanna chat some more about poetry(www.niquiajrc@yahoo.com), |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by biggybird01 on Sunday, August 08 @ 14:17:56 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | great poem.eally enjoyed rading it!!!! |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by emo_kid_hapus on Thursday, August 12 @ 06:50:47 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | i hate boys...they are mean....
stupid stupid boys |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by StrongWisperer on Thursday, August 26 @ 12:57:18 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | i'm hearing what the poem is trying to convey, but it feels like there was too much effort put into the ryming. When i read it, there are some places where i can (in minds eye) see you sitting w/ pen in hand trying to find a word that rymesw/ the previous line |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by inspire on Thursday, October 28 @ 18:52:38 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I agree with the other person. There is rhyme yet it all seems forced. Try to relax it a bit, and let it flow. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, November 10 @ 09:44:13 UTC | Personally I liked the rhyming. We have a very similar writing style, SparklingFlurry. I hope you can read some of my work once I get it posted. I hope to read more of yours. I loved it. I feel the exact same way! Keep it up!
JDcool |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 07 @ 16:38:24 UTC | Commet by:Drag_On:
This a deep poem...you are very talented!!! |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by maim_me on Monday, January 03 @ 06:37:31 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) http://amenah.diaryland.com | i liked it.
i think it was a bit "over rymed" .
but i know what it's like to miss somebody.
it's the worst feeling.
but time heals most wounds. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, January 03 @ 06:37:33 UTC | i liked it.
i think it was a bit "over rymed" .
but i know what it's like to miss somebody.
it's the worst feeling.
but time heals most wounds. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, January 30 @ 09:29:12 UTC | This Poem is Deep i really can relate to it tho cuz mostly what i am feeling right now !!!!!1 Keep up da good WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Ashley~ |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by BlackWidow on Friday, February 04 @ 14:08:28 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | I really like this poem and even though it ryhmes alot it does make it better and the words all fit in the poem!
Brilliant!
Great!
x Blackwidow x Or x Ella x |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, March 03 @ 16:21:15 UTC | i think it's funny that all of the poets I know and like don't give a shit if it rhymes.......i think we know what the hell we're talking about here people...the damn poem was cute and good, and it was cute and good mainly BECAUSE it rhymed.
Jennifer |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by MattCharnock on Sunday, May 29 @ 10:22:31 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) 1016: Can't open file: 'users.MYI'. (errno: 145) | | no offence but this is really not good. It is simple and i like that but there is really little in the way of content - it is perhaps a little obvious and for such lacks the depth that perhaps it should have had. Your rhythm is good but too bland, why not play round with it - keep the simplicity of the words that you have used but make my tongue do gymnastics while reading it out - read prayer for my unborn (ithink) by louis macniece for an idea of what i mean. |
Re: I Miss You (Score: 1)
by loveislikepainonarainyday on Thursday, August 18 @ 22:02:45 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | its a great poem with good meaning but yeah its not all about the ryme |
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Poem's Rating
Average Score: 3.15
Votes: 95
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