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Posted by
on Wednesday, February 02 @ 10:36:11 UTC
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: She Is Nothing
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on Wednesday, February 02 @ 10:36:11 UTC
Missy writes:: " Why do you like her?
I ask
she sits and plays with you heart
while you wear it on your sleeve
you put trust in her unfaithfulness
make yourself believe
while she sits and controls
who you want to be
she lies to those she is with
takes advatage of the ones
who may care the most
she is there to bring you down
though you are too blind,
to blind to notice her schemes
you play the fool
while she plays the master
she says what you want to hear
pretends to be what you need
is completely untrusting
even though she is all of these
you put your trust in her,
pur your time into her
give her all that
she doesn't deserve
while she gives you nothing
but heartache
in the end
you will soon see
open your eyes for the first time
and finally bleed
then is only when you will realize
she is nothing and you lost me
what do you see in someone who is fake?
I ask
when I've been here all along
loving you "
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Re: She Is Nothing (Score: 1)
by JDcool (jdcool038@yahoo.com) on Wednesday, February 02 @ 11:39:29 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | i always enjoy your work missy because they are all mostly about stupid men, lol.
JDcool |
Re: She Is Nothing (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, February 02 @ 12:59:29 UTC | | Missy this poem is excellent and reminds me of a situation of my own. It's nice to hear someone express it in better words then I can! |
Re: She Is Nothing (Score: 1)
by BlackWidow on Wednesday, February 02 @ 13:54:35 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Missy, this is great.. it really expresses itself in better words than i could do. Brilliant...Brilliant...Bravo...Bravo lol |
Re: She Is Nothing (Score: 1)
by Orobourus (Burningbright2@aol.com) on Wednesday, February 02 @ 20:51:47 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | I guess if I knew how you feel/felt I could sit here and tell you it was "good"....then again, i could tell you also ive heard this ballad a thousand times over and that my experience(if it existed) was now a paltry matter....
The cliche of "playing with the heart"and the "control" notions are over done, try revising these. I would also suggest that you use some sort of style or whatever poets call it now a days...i know i dont have one myself, but it follows a pattern of conveying meaning through it. poetry is a form and an art, you must experiment and enjoy doing it at all costs. by writing something like this, i myself would feel a bit better, but mostly sick to my stomach. mostly because the notion is a sort of ebbing away and then no end, not even a move toward an end....maybe in this sense im analytical to the max. the tone of this was whiny, do you honestly think a guy would listen to you if you talked to him in such a manner? try making it abrupt and stead fast, dont cover it in cliches and extensive inside crap about this girl. instead tell him what is so wonderful about yourself. tell him you are caring and just, loyal and honorable....tell him you are intelligent, whatever. make it about you, not her.
i think those are the main problems.....good luck if you wish to revise it.
Elinor |
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Poem's Rating
Average Score: 4
Votes: 2
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