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Posted by
on Thursday, February 03 @ 19:22:42 UTC
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: The Theory of Life
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on Thursday, February 03 @ 19:22:42 UTC
sbsms8 writes:: " cut the strings
float freely
see yourself
in only one way
someone who means nothing
suddenly cares about everything
the fire inside
slowly begun to dim
while the sorrow
can only begin
burn the bridge
and you won't make it across
drown in the middle of a river of rage
in the heat of the moment
you think it might be worth it
to give it up
don't doubt your insticts
have someone by your side
they decide to leave you
on your turn to hide
lost in the landscape
with nothing but the hope
that they'll come back
to give someone your trust
is to give them an opportunity to fail
to somehow let you down
to have a hero
is so pointless
in the end you're always heartbroken "
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Re: The Theory of Life (Score: 1)
by Orobourus (Burningbright2@aol.com) on Thursday, February 03 @ 19:55:34 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | thats a bleack outlook, but life isnt just about love. you got emotion and its symblance in life because of its troughs and peaks. simultaneously, you took such a one sided view, this cant be about life. but then its a personal theory on life.
I liked the imagery of the bridge, using it as a sort of passageway with the river. although its obviously being burned as one walks across it, perhaps to convey the hopelessness at the end. The tone is spiteful and actually good, but i think there's too much explaining. use more metaphors and imagery, try to cut out the stanzas that dont "flow". to find this out, read the poem outloud and you'll hear what i mean.
Elinor |
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Average Score: 0
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