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Posted by
on Wednesday, June 01 @ 13:34:08 UTC
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: ONe Less Heart For The world to break (please comment)
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on Wednesday, June 01 @ 13:34:08 UTC
Incoherentgirl writes:: "
My heart is breaking
I'm begining to think that you were just faking
Can you see all these pills i'm taking
Do you know what your making me do
By the end of the night i'll be through
I regret ever loving you
How could you
She was my best friend
My life has come to its end
I hate you
But i'll never stop loving you
Why did you say goodbye
oops look at the time
its time for me to die.
Tiffany W.
"
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Re: ONe Less Heart For The world to break (please comment) (Score: 1)
by EsaLoca21 on Monday, June 06 @ 17:29:51 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | I was jus readin' it like damn this girl is in sum serious pain....but den dat endin'!!... dat jus slapped me right across da face!! I was jus like..."O"!!
ESA LOCA!! |
Re: ONe Less Heart For The world to break (please comment) (Score: 1)
by MattCharnock on Thursday, June 02 @ 17:12:50 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) 1016: Can't open file: 'users.MYI'. (errno: 145) | Hey, on behalf of men everywhere - i appologise. But you will be pleased to know we are not all bad (ask my wife)
As for your poem i agree with what was said earlier, technically it is not as strong as the feeling you had when you wrote it. But it is good that you wrote it rather than doing anything to yourself. If you have feelings like this again keep writing but try a different tack - try using a stream of conciousness approach to writing where you just keep writing without thinking - but it is writing with feeling, you will find that you get some interesting results without having to fit them to form.
Good luck. |
Re: ONe Less Heart For The world to break (please comment) (Score: 1)
by IncoherentGirl (sweetrascal@comcast.net) on Thursday, June 02 @ 12:50:26 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | hey, thanx for reading my poem. please i need advice on this.ok i ll tell what the story is. my b/f of 4 months just broke up with me like a week ago & like the day after he broke up with me he started going out with my best friend that i ve known my entire life.should i still be her friend? if/when he hurts her should i be there for her like i always am or should i laugh in her face like she basically did to me?the bad thing is that i hate them but i m still in love with him & i still love her(like a sis) & i dont know what to do cause i dont wanna loose a lifetime friendship & he says that he still loves me & that theres a huge chance that me & him go back out. please help i dont know what to do. |
Re: ONe Less Heart For The world to break (please comment) (Score: 1)
by BodhiTree (burningbright2@aol.com) on Thursday, June 02 @ 00:55:44 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | thats so sad, i dont know why anyone would be impelled to kill themselves over some asshole guy. i have had similar irrational thoughts, however, so i can see the need for oblivion because of something that breaks you in two.
it rhymes well, but i think you need to get at the emotions and the thoughts more fully. the poem has little substance because its obviously /just/ a statement and nothing more. i know you are trying to convey a larger message with this...so think about that message and try to better write it out. your only wall is yourself, dont be afraid to write whatever comes to your mind when you think about suicide of cheats regardless if it rhymes.
goodluck
Elinor |
Re: ONe Less Heart For The world to break (please comment) (Score: 1)
by Swe3tSorr0w on Wednesday, June 01 @ 23:09:22 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | I love it. Thanx for the comment on mine. I rlli hope this gets easier for you. And I think itz awful that your best frend is going out with an x of yours, that you obviously cared so much about. Im really sorri. Dont do anything bad, though. Guyz are stupid, and basically arnt worth our time. lol
hugS n kiSseS
LaRa |
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Poem's Rating
Average Score: 5
Votes: 1
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