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Posted by
on Sunday, February 01 @ 13:26:45 UTC
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: In my head..
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on Sunday, February 01 @ 13:26:45 UTC
gloria writes:: " Before there is anything
that I'm about to do
It comes naturally to think
about how it will affect you
Will you like the way
that i look today?
will you like the way my hair falls so perfectly imperfect
across my face?
What will you think
of the way my body smells?
is this new perfume working
or do i go back to what i know you like so well?
I know everything about you
and what you're about to say
the way you critisize the cute things about me drives me insane
but i like it that way.
Your smiles your pokes
your hugs and your kisses
only after a day without
I already miss it
just the thought of your arms around me
curled up in my bed
reverses the worst of my days
but for now only in my head "
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Re: In my head.. (Score: 1)
by Ravenloft (devinouis@hotmail.com) on Monday, February 02 @ 20:02:39 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Long story short, awesome poem, Gloria. |
Re: In my head.. (Score: 1)
by Jonathan on Tuesday, February 03 @ 16:42:32 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | "the way you critisize the cute things about me drives me insane"
Nothing like that will drive you insane, this was very cliche, I did not enjoy this piece |
Re: In my head.. (Score: 1)
by SaintInExile on Saturday, February 07 @ 01:52:18 UTC
(User Info | Send a Message) | | This is actually a very intricate journey into your mind, however I feel that our tour guide may have been out drinking the night before. Good base, but try to delve into some more advanced language, use some literary devices, give me more than just descriptive sentences and rhetorical questions. Great start though, I see a lot of potential. Charming work. |
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